Working with the Ochapowace Community Tribunal there may be moments where there is conflict. The role is on a case by case basis that involve people from the community. When a case is brought forward to the tribunal it is not because there is peace. The Ochapowace Community Tribunal will be triggered when a conflict occurs. As members you must be able navigate conflict to get to the root of the issue and offer resolution.

With an Indigenous lens of justice is paramount rooted in cree values and principle and promotes healing as well. It is about maintaining peace, order and good governance within the community.

When conflict arises there is usually a break down in communication. It is important as tribunal members that you gain communication skills.

What is conflict?

Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to fear or try to avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way.

When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. Whether you’re experiencing conflict at home, work, or school, learning these skills can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships.

Conflict 101

  • A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).

  • Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them.

  • We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.

  • Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully.

  • Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements.

Causes of conflict in a relationship

Conflict arises from differences, both large and small. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences appear trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the core of the problem. These needs can range from the need to feel safe and secure or respected and valued, to the need for greater closeness and intimacy.

Think about the opposing needs of a toddler and a parent. The child’s need is to explore, so venturing to the street or the cliff edge meets that need. But the parent’s need is to protect the child’s safety, a need that can only be met by limiting the toddler’s exploration. Since these needs are at odds, conflict arises.

The needs of each party play an important role in the long-term success of a relationship. Each deserves respect and consideration. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and break-ups. In the workplace, differing needs can result in broken deals, decreased profits, and lost jobs.

[Read: Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship]

When you can recognize conflicting needs and are willing to examine them with compassion and understanding, it can lead to creative problem solving, team building, and stronger relationships.

How do you respond to conflict?

Do you fear conflict or avoid it at all costs? If your perception of conflict comes from painful memories from early childhood or previous unhealthy relationships, you may expect all disagreements to end badly. You may view conflict as demoralizing, humiliating, or something to fear. If your early life experiences left you feeling powerless or out of control, conflict may even be traumatizing for you.

If you’re afraid of conflict, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you enter a conflict situation already feeling threatened, it’s tough to deal with the problem at hand in a healthy way. Instead, you’re more likely to either shut down or blow up in anger.

Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict

Unhealthy Responses to Conflict: An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person. Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions. The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment. An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side. Feeling fearful or avoiding conflict; expecting a bad outcome.

Healthy Responses to Conflict: The capacity to empathize with the other person’s viewpoint. Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions. A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger. The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing. A belief that facing conflict head on is the best thing for both sides.

The Thomas-Kilmann conflict model

The Thomas-Kilmann model, developed by psychologists Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann, suggests that people use five approaches to conflict. Although no one sticks to exactly one style, some people rely more on a particular style than others. The styles are:

  • Competing: This involves being assertive but uncooperative. You focus on standing firm in your position and trying to “win.”

  • Accommodating: This is the opposite of competing. You’re unassertive but cooperative. You easily give in to the other person’s position without standing up for your own.

  • Avoiding: This approach tries to ignore the conflict altogether. It often just allows you to delay addressing the issue.

  • Collaborating: This is what happens when you’re assertive as well as cooperative. You work with the other person to reflect on the disagreement and possibly find a long-lasting solution.

  • Compromising: You work with the other person to find a quick solution that satisfies you both to some extent. Neither of you quite feels like you’ve “won” or “lost” the conflict.

Identify your go-to approach, and then aim to be flexible enough to shift to a different one when needed. In doing so, you can better navigate conflict.